retrospectus

let's make a difference in my post this time: no capital letters. huhuhu

well. as the title states, i'm expecting another silent weekend. i have my trusty dell lappy+broadband, my two babies (my phones-lah) and symphony.fm serenading me with its classic symphony.

so much for being there for friends. other things come and grab that away.

chatted with this insightful friend of mine through ym. another slap in the face. but not a bad one. it's a good one. he made me think of things in such a way, that all the problems in the world seem...plausible. huhuhu. now i'm gonna look deeper into myself. to delve more. understand more. be more compassion.

oh, im slipping back into the "anger transferrence" thing that i used to do. get mad at one person and releasing it on others. i have to curb that in me. change it. for the better.

i went to read this friend's blog. very islamic. insightful. he himself is one terrific guy. but his presence unnerves me. not that i seek to avoid him, but being around him makes me squirm. sorry for the spontaneous reaction.

election day: thursday 28th january 2010. went voting after programming class - around 1pm. procedure was fine. as usual. congregation of students. big, small, young, old, white, dark, tall, short, fashionista, fashion victim - all came to vote. results came at night - congrats for my friends who got elected for this term's student council representatives - do well. you got the job not for nothing. fight for our rights!

the pen's a doorgift and the highlighter's a lucky draw gift.

i suddenly lost the mood to blog. stopping here.

A Week Of Sighs~

Perhaps it's too early to judge the week. But I feel that it isn't.

The Sultan of Johor's passing has put a veil of somber over everything. It feels like a thick layer of vile dust setting upon horizontal surfaces. I can't help but feel the asphyxia - not from being saddened by his passing (may Allah bless his soul) but by the overall gloom that everybody's projecting.

It started off with my friends' attitude. Not to me, but they were influenced by this. My bestie has to mourn for this event because he's closely related to the deceased. Not blaming him. His right to be sad and have respect. Hope he hangs tough and things will get better next week.

All other friends: preoccupied with homework, assignments, and labwork. Not their fault. But it sets me to thinking: DON'T I HAVE WORK OF MY OWN? I do, but I can still manage it. With my current reduced sleeping hours, I have more daylight (yeah right) to get things done.

Oh, not forgetting the proverbial slap in the face early this week: I got a GOOD but REALITY-NASTY advice from a friend. Made me thought about my life these 20 years. I am E V I L. All capital letters. There's a difference between being a b*tch and being evil; I was the latter. I was being so insensitive. I run away from things, I refuse to resolve. It seriously slapped me in the face. Serious Retrospect is in order. GOOD - New year is for new things. New changes. Positive changes. Be nicer - Foster good relations - Less nymphomania - and now, CHANGE INNER SELF. I can do this. Friends and family are on my side. A BIG THANK YOU to the friend who slapped me with his thought-provoking words.

Now a new ME - IN THE MAKING. InsyaAllah, everything's gonna be all right. Perhaps He made this week to be silent and destined me to be alone for me to have a serious reflecting of my self, to have an intensive one-on-one talk with my inner self. InsyaAllah.

DEMISE OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP

FUCKING HEARTACHE.

ITS A WASTE OF MY TIME AND ENERGY HOPING FOR IT TO HAPPEN.

"WE'LL MEET FEBRUARY." SURE, OKAY. THEN YOU WENT TO MEET ANOTHER PERSON. "OOHH. MEET MY NEW BOYFRIEND."

IT'S LIKE A TERRIBLE SLAP IN THE FACE, THEN SLATHERING IT WITH DOG SHIT.

I MADE IT CLEAR. SO EFFIN' CRYSTAL CLEAR THAT I'M INTERESTED IN YOU. YET THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.

I PUT UP WITH YOUR WHIMS, I PUT UP WITH YOUR LITTLE ANNOYING TICKS. I PUT UP WITH YOUR STORMY EMOTIONS. I TRIED TO LOVE THOSE TRAITS. AND I SUCCEEDED IN LOVING IT.

A TERRIFIC CONVERSATIONALIST - SAME INTERESTS - PASSIONATE FOR THE THINGS I ALSO AM PASSIONATE FOR. THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT ALL THE MORE PAINFUL. PARTING WITH THOSE LOVELY LITTLE TRAITS THAT IS HARD TO FIND IN AN INDIVIDUAL.

MAYBE I SOUND CRAZY AND OBSESSED BUT THAT'S WHAT I AM. MAYBE I JUST PUT MYSELF EMOTIONALLY TOO DEEP. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. THAT'S HOW IT IS. THAT'S HOW I AM.

I'VE SUCH FEELINGS FOR YOU. I CAN'T LEAVE IT. I HAVE TO SEVER THIS.

GOD HATES IT; DON'T THINK THAT I DON'T. IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU. EVEN SAYING THE PREVIOUS SENTENCE IN MY HEART WAS PAINFUL.

Gee. Arrest Me For Caring About You. 'Nuff Sed.

It's 3.46am. I'm still not asleep. Gosh.

LOST TRUST IN A FRIEND TODAY.

One of them said "we'll meet up in February." He was busy. He's in Johor. Then I contacted him. Woo, he HAS the TIME to go to KL to meet a friend. Shit.

Why am I still not sleepy? Or am I stretching my own eyelids?? Oh now I know. It's hard to release a friend. Dear friend. Those whom you can talk to about ANYTHING. Open a conversation and they'll start the banter. It's just me. I hoard (kind of). It's hard to throw it away. SHIT SHIT SHIT.

..::Last Week In Retrospect::..

Well, it's been a while...(gaya Britney again)

Point form would be easier. It's how I think anyway. (at least that's how I imagined it to be :P)

- A friend of mine is acting REALLY WEIRD. It's like I don't know who she is anymore. Maybe I said something hurtful? Maybe I did something bad to her? Did I?? All the posts and words seem really pointed at me. Maybe I'm being neurotic and/or "perasan", but they really do touch the heart.I dismissed as the hectic schedule getting to her...but it seems that I've SINNED to her...I REALLY DUNNO WHAT I DID...You're one of my besties...Please forgive me... :(

- Classes: day in, day out they're the same. but the workload: it seem like the lecturers think that we have our own work team of secretaries, typists, creative editors, etc. Please tune it down...

- New Phone! Had to get one. The old one was annoying. I had to delete messages ONE-BY-AGONIZING-ONE. And also it can't receive calls - I mean it can receive calls but the other person can't hear me. Hahaha~ Here's my baby, named Gaga's Monster! :P

It's new in terms of ownership, not model - it's actually one of the earliest phones I covet. Young, stylish...and it has the color ORANGE on it. Can't forget the color! :D SE W380i...just enough to be basic without sacrificing connectivity, style, music; purchasing it didn't really break the bank.

- TITO VAN DER WOODSEN, adopted son of NAZMI VAN DER WOODSEN (Facebook name only) passed away on the 23rd of January 2010. May he rest in peace...:(

REST IN PEACE, TITO VAN DER WOODSEN...