..:: berbuka with syaz, jaf and mimi: day 2 ::..

slept until noon, and rolled around in bed watching kekkaishi and yakitate japan until 3pm - this is too much (lol)... i think i may be narcoleptic (finally found the word for my condition). i didn't plan to go out because i was appalled by my spending behavior - damn it, i hastily reduced the money in my wallet and kept it somewhere else.

but then mimi called... so i took a shower, prepped for berbuka with the aforementioned friends.

as i stepped into the car, i saw a straw mat on the car floor - perhaps a picnic? yes it was. after buying food, we headed for the UTM lake. i went around and searched for the light switches for the platform on the lake (with additional intention of leaving the lovebirds alone for a while :P)... turns out it was automatic and would turn on by itself when darkness falls... hahaha~

i also took this ramadhan as a chance to rekindle my lost romance with photography after the shattered dream incident. i'm slowly regaining my strength and removing my trauma of holding a camera.

you want lomo pics? no need for lomo-looking cameras - say hello to my camphone! :P

the platform from where i stood to scour the area for a light switch

the lovebirds :)

mimi

me, by mimi (amateur)

the collective spread

the menu for today:

me: nasi kerabu

mimi: nasi ayam penyet

syaz: nasi ayam (i think)

jaf: nasi ayam penyet (too)

additionals:

fried chicken butt (YUMMY!) and gizzard

bubur lambuk

acar buah (didn't eat)

afterwards, went for a drive round town... watched the "ladies" of india street, its colors, its vibrancy; watched the humming JB town, and then settled down at JB bazaar for shisha and cards plus light meals. had an additional meal of mat salai (burger with beef jerky and chicken floss instead of patties) and satay. mimi mistook my "5 ayam, 5 daging" as five sticks of each - i meant rm5 of each meat. LOL~ then syaz, mimi and jaf had mee sup... after that we head home.

i darted back to my room as soon as i found out that the ground floor machine is vacant. but then my towel's color leached into the water and tainted three of my clothes - thank goodness my SGG official shirt wasn't affected.

p/s: got news that i'll be on the equipments and multimedia committee for this coming FYE camping - can't wait!

*sigh*

i have always harbored a need to be in the know about my partner's current affairs.

sometimes to the point of being paranoid.

but i wanted to change that. i don't want to be the crazy boyfriend anymore.

so i chose not to ask questions. after all, ignorance is bliss, they say.

but things and circumstances just keep pointing to the direction of CHEATING.

but i ignored everything, everything, everything.

i kept quiet. just pretend that everything's fine. but suspicious matters just kept on creeping in.

we all have heard of the rich housewives with cheating husbands, right?

i wonder how those housewives keep quiet about the knowledge about their husband's affair(s). maybe it's because they have lots of money to shut them up.

"as long as i'm well manicured, well-dressed, there's no reason to turn a molehill into a mountain, right?"

but i have none of the riches that they have - i have (or should i say HAD) only your love.

i trusted you. i loved you with all my heart. i gave love another chance because of you. but alas...

i'm a walking, talking joke. hurray for nazmi.

a friend told me to just leave it be when it ends - but i always, always, ALWAYS itch to know what is happening even after it's over.

in the end, i'm the one who's hurt from all the nasty revelations.

Paramore sang it well:

Well you treat me just like another stranger

Well it's nice to meet you

I guess I'll go

I best be on my way out

thank you

thanks to everyone who showed their care and sympathy.

thanks for understanding.

sorry if i declined to tell some of you when you asked.

it's just too painful to bring back.

*****

sick and tired and worried

i've slept the whole day today.

woke up at 9.30am, but no energy to lift myself up.

another time, 3.30am. checked my texts, and went back to sleep.

woke up at breaking fast time, broke fast, showered and went to the health centre.

went back, popped the meds and went back to sleep.

woke up at 1.55am.

i reached out for my shirt glasses, only to find that it's not there.

usually this only triggers a minor worry, whether i've slept on it, or it fell to the floor.

but this time, it made me panic. because at that moment i remembered you.

what it's like to reach out for you, only to find that you aren't there.

but you aren't now.

:'(

my wednesday

wednesday is supposed to be a day of rest... a VERY much welcomed day especially in this fasting month... but turns out it was spent just waiting. waiting. waiting.

disclaimer: i am not blaming the people i'm waiting for making me fatigued; it's just that i see that the trend of this wednesday is to wait, or be waited on.

morning: arrived early to class because i walked up to class. why? juju replied late. i can't risk arriving to class late. but i look forward to spending the afternoon with my socialites. :) waited extra long because the class before us is having a quiz/test/evaluation/whatever. entered class at 9.15am. no class, the lecturer's kinda sick. so hairi pulled the photography session (totally forgot about it) to 10.15am. i totally forgot about this photo session. no wonder i was so hung up on what i was going to wear today. the subconscious mind tried to inform me. so i went back with nubli to change. arrived at 10.15am (assuming malaysian timing, hello) and everybody was already in place, waiting to start. what an ass, circumstances are - when it's me waiting, it takes forever. but time is so not forgiving when it's me who's being waited on. but the consolation? i was pushed up from the sidelines up to the middle. GOOD POSTURE PAYS, people. you may be taller than me, but what really counts is STANDING TALL. *triple finger snap*

next class. GIS database. the fasting fatigue+insomnia sets in, unable to focus. found out about bitching behind my back. whatever. to quote a dear friend, when people talk behind your back, that means you're already ahead of them!! :D

afternoon - the loooong wait. KAY TAGAL KANG HININTAY. since my phone is faulty, i can't read the screen clearly. so i thought juju and the gang are at the library. turns out they're at the fac's resource centre finishing up work. yeah, right, finishing up. it's 5pm and they still haven't managed to finish. the assignment was hard, even i was stumped. i went back at 5pm, and slept up till 7.55pm. imagine my horror!! quickly grabbing the leftover mooncake and plain water i broke my fast.

9pm: going for mcd. waiting for the girls is excruciatingly lengthy. i was falling back to sleep due to mild hunger. but i had mega mac. totally worth it, i'm satiated.

doing assignment at mcd. headache. found a thesis. bad grammar. but overall, kinda useful resources. the friend who sought help about GIS for his PSM is outside. helping him every way i could. :)