Emotions

Emotions seem to run high this week. Prominently, today.

This is my final week at home. Next week will commence a new semester in UTM. It's a bittersweet feeling, like previous times - happy to see UTM friends again, having fun, studying our asses off while having immense fun and an inflated social calendar, but also melancholic due to leaving behind the family. I still cannot cope with the feelings.

goodbye, Glee...for now I hope.

Had steamboat dinner today. Tried hard to minimize eating in the daytime to maximize dinner stomach space. And the finale of Glee was also today. If my parents and sister weren't watching Glee with me, I'd cry. I did that with the finale of Charmed. And I was happy too, because me and my sister executed steamboat preparation flawlessly. Mum had to interfere only minimally, to get the freshly bought veggies cut and served. This further exacerbated the bitter feeling of not wanting to leave home. But I'm keeping things sunny by saying to myself that I'd be able to resume jogging and eating healthy back in UTM later. But this immense elation only caused me to put my guard up; all my life I have met moments of intense happiness only to be struck down with something really bad. That is how my world balances it out.

As I type this, I'm at Nek Haji's house. His ankle froze up in the kitchen while he was cleaning the fish for lunch two days ago, and complained of immobility on the left foot. This morning mum and dad were surprised to see the things that he did normally - turn off the porch lights, opening the door et cetera - weren't carried out. Turns out that he cannot move from the night before, and had been immobilized on the bed since after dinner. They rushed him immediately to the clinic, where the doctor said that he's a suspect of gout. That word "gout" sent chills through me. One of the ailments that struck my late grandmother was this.

Ya Allah, please don't take him away yet. I'm not prepared for this.