long forgotten

i was blogwalking one day, mostly consisting of friends who are, obviously, fellow bloggers. i went to one friend's blog, which i haven't visited for quite some time (because she didn't update as much). she showcased her photos with her camera. then i realized - i have forgotten and dropped what i once loved SO much - PHOTOGRAPHY. all because someone denied me of the ability to pursue this love.

i count myself as a self-taught student of photography, having taught myself the skills, know-how, jargon, and practically the whole nine yards of the discipline. i scour libraries, bookstores and the internet for this interest. the only thing is, i have no official camera of my own. as far as i remember, my love for photography was spurred by watching my aunt wield a traditional single reflex camera. those were the days when there's no digital photography and all had to be captured on film. its a nikon. looking at her wielding it, tweaking it little by little to adjust to the changes in the environment and the people within it, capturing memories for the family made me interested in pursuing this. thus begins the love for photography.

i have fell in love with it LONG before it was the "in" thing to do amongst youngsters. so obviously, i was incensed when others pursue this interest, as i am pretty anti-establishment. i bought a sony ericsson w580i phone with a 2-megapixel camera in my first year of uni, and that was my first camera. i believe in "necessity is the mother of creativity", and having a low-pixel count phone has taught me to be creative and get my best shot of anything i capture. with this phone, i have received no little praise and recognition.

this is my third year of uni. during the semester break (and LONG before), i have decided to allocate a portion of my scholarship money to get myself a DSLR. the semester break was spent analyzing pros and cons, comparing models and reading countless reviews about cameras. finally i settled on one model: the Canon EOS 1000D. it's an entry-level camera, but as my record states, great pictures don't necessary come from great pixel counts. i would get better models when i get the capital for it.

alas, things didn't go as planned. a formal warning was issued that prevented me from getting the camera. imagine my heartbreak. if a dream was hindered by physical limitations (such as capital), perhaps it could be pursued after the right amount of ability is gathered to break the limit. but here i am, with the full ability to pursue the dream but was PREVENTED from doing so. i was so traumatized by this event that until now, i cannot bear to listen to the four-lettered word, let alone see someone holding it. when it comes to the topic, i'd get kind of touchy. it is as if i have been issued a restraining order against the four-lettered word (fyi: it was hard for me to type the four-lettered word in the previous paragraph).

only recently i have been awakened (by the aforementioned friend) about this dream that i once pursued. litle by little i remove this phobia of capturing pictures. i now try to record memories of me and my friends. the w580i phone recently broke down, so i am now taking pictures with the w380i with 1.3 megapixels. although i will be severely handicapped when it comes to taking pictures in the dark, i take this as a training for my long-forgotten love affair with photography.