worries

perhaps i have lost trust too many times. wearing my heart on my sleeve is obviously a bad idea. that contributed to my distrust. and now, i am prepared to wear it again, by opening up to a relationship, being with you. but i still have a nagging feeling every time. of infidelity.


we rarely get to contact each other - you can't text at work, you can't call as often. and when you come back you are always tired.  and what a coincidence that your workload has increased. it certainly doesn't help that your social calendar is kinda busy (the young people's lifestyle, i know). i know you enjoy being challenged and not just sit idly around the office. i DO understand that you are busy. i always want to understand. but understanding can be painful.


i really, really want to trust you. but my jealousy gets to me every time. it's like the jealousy is jealous of me and you. i really want to rest my trust fully upon you. maybe i'm just too cautious for my own good. please pardon this. maybe i should get myself away from you for a while.


running is good for the body, improving health with this cardiovascular activity. it is also good for me to reflect upon myself, and what's going on around me. it gave plenty of time for me to think. and someone forgot to do something that he/she promised to do. but i don't want to bring it up. perhaps he/she could think it up later.


p/s: watching Ugly Betty gives me a push to do something literary. an article, perhaps. associate editors. i have the skills... anyone know how to get a gig?