heartbreak

this is tough. FAR tougher than i thought. what mental, physical and emotional preparations that i have made in anticipation of the blow that is a venture proves to be insufficient - Lord have mercy, and give me and my fellow mates the strength, patience and faith to overcome this obstacle.

i'm disappointed when those near and dear to me don't seem to be supportive, sometimes even being nasty about what i'm passionate about. when your loved ones are skeptical (and even at times contemptuous) about something you're passionate about - what are you supposed to do? how does one face that?

on a different note: there's a difference between failing at something and being denied a chance of even trying it. in the former, at least we would have a chance at it; the latter proves to be very hard to live with - you have all the power, the energy and the ability to execute something. yet you are denied of even ONE chance to do it.

every time i think about it, hear about it, see it - i die a little. it is a gash in my heart that will never heal. never, ever EVER heal. say all you want about how i'm being so melodramatic - i can forgive you, because you have absolutely NO idea how important it was to me.