Saturday, February 12, 2011

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Snapshots 10 February 2011

..:: Close Ups ::..

Freedom (again)


You finally Unfriended me on FB - I have been waiting for ages for it to happen!

I know I'm not gonna be the first one to do it. And good things DO come to those who wait~

Bye bye, ass-pain! :D

Tuesday, February 08, 2011


at first it was India. i was prepared to be immersed in the rich tapestry of culture. hence i joined the group. but noooo... India wasn't sophisticated enough, and you want to see fluttering orange leaves of Fall, be in a cold climate and be around Caucasians. hence the Europe trip.

i was tempted to leave, since the primary reason i joined was to go to India. But Europe's fine too. so i stayed. then the budget allocated was so shoestring, so dismal. i don't think you're being realists in thinking that such budget can sustain us for the whole duration. it won't even properly cover ONE country, let alone five.

and then the actual, actual destination isn't even decided. don't leave so much to chance when planning for something, that's the idea of PLANNING in the first place. if it is London, then London it is; if it's five countries, then five countries it is. we plan and generate funds according to the big picture.

i told my mum that it's gonna be for just London, that's why she agreed to let me join again. and now you give me BS like "tengok bajet la dulu" WTH is that?? make up your mind! once you have the destination set then you can generate funds accordingly. don't be greedy.

i don't expect apologies from anyone. this is what i have to say. i know you would read this. i could easily pull out of the program, i have nothing to lose. i don't expect people to beg me to join back in. whatever lah. if the destination isn't effing decided yet, imma pull out.

emotional freedom

it's been a while since i've posted anything (this seems to be used frequently as my first paragraph. haha)

i recently cleared out my mind of this ex. i was attracted to her brilliant intelligence, the good looks of this angel. but these characteristics have blinded me from the fact that emotional bankruptcy was her major flaw. 

this relationship wasn't broken off by incompatibility or a fight; it was due to the great distance that keeps things complicated and the sheer business on both our part.

recently she got in touch with me again. but then, an invisible force drove me to an outburst of pent-up emotions. that's when my true emotions just burst forth, fueled partly by a promise she made recently to me, which she didn't keep.

she said (yet again) that she still remembers about me. she still cares about me. blah blah blah. the long version is WAY too long for me to bother typing and so emotionally torched, it could get ugly if i did. the emotional burden pent up would prove too much. anyway, sheer facts and ugliness just kept pouring out, and what i expected did happen: she didn't care for my feelings, not a bit. there wasn't an iota of caring, no effort to win me back, to comfort and to soothe the heart. to put it in a simple analogy, if we were to hold hands and i tugged a bit, she would not even care to hold on; she'd just let go. so then and there, the epiphany came: this person is no longer worth my attention and love. the irony is it is from her that i learnt the saying "do not make as a priority, someone who puts you as only an option". i was truly blinded by my love for her intelligence and looks, that i forgot about the emotional absence that depraved me little by little. but now i am snapped out of the trance, and feel very very liberated. i have God to thank for this.

another thing: deep down inside i know she keeps other guys behind me. but i was just too in love. temporarily weakened by it. though she said they were "just friends"; the friend-inappropriate intimacy was glaringly visible. and yet i disregarded them. 

Once again, thank God for pulling me out of the darkness and stupidity. once again i state: i am DAMN SURE those shallow b**tards will have not even a fraction of the depth to hold all those meaningful and INTELLIGENT conversations and polemics that we once had.

after unfriending her from FB (as an act of total severing of any ties), i felt light, clean, and most importantly FREE. i felt like prancing around the room. but i didn't. hahaha...