1 - my laptop: Dell Inspiron 1525. it's like a bestfriend :) and by association, all my peripherals. 2 - my phones: constant companion. twitter- and facebook-enabled :D 3 - the domo-kun plush: i have coveted one since i first laid eyes on it! 4 - The Nut Graph's Found In Malaysia: great read. 5 - my multivitamins: making sure i'm balanced. 6 - my jeans: they're very custom coz i'm very particular. therefore they mean a lot to me. 7 - my clothes: very custom too for the same reason as #6. 8 - my family: I LOVE THEM!! 9 - my friends: BFFs!! 10 - my resistance bands: workout on the go :) 11 - coffee!! need i say more? 12 - chocolate!! need i say more? :P 13 - panadol soluble. quick and easy. 14 - safi facial wash+moisturizer: the best products up-to-date. 15 - leave-on moisturizer: can't leave home without it! 16 - DKNY's Be Delicious: love the fragrance! 17 - money: DUHH~ 18 - coolblog: "peppermint-milk-tea-nak-pearl-tak-nak-ais" in one breath :D 19 - TEMPEH! 20 - RUNNING! euphoria from cardio is the best :)
i slept at 4.21am this morning. left the laptop on Star Trek because it's such an awesome movie and i can't watch enough of it. yes i remembered what time it was because i looked at my phone before retiring. so as i fell deeper and deeper into my slumber i went into dreamland.
i remembered visiting a village walking into it via a meandering path. it was like descending into a mini valley because it was situated at the foot of a hill. i reached the house that i was looking for and it faces east. to the north of it was a bridge not unlike a simple bridge that goes through a park, made of stone. so i was yelling at the person's name but i don't remember who. i yelled and yelled but he/she didn't reply. suddenly the surrounding seemed creepy and i can see black smoke swirling around my feet. it was cold. it was black. it's like smoke but acts like a fluid. i remember thinking about it being a cat or a chicken (it was a village after all) it swirled around, tickled and caressed my legs. it was supposed to be ticklish but i remember feeling only fear and creeped out. i grunted and i kicked my legs around and the thing recoiled. i don't know if i screamed it in real life or just in my dream but i remember chanting the Selawat and saying "Ya Allah" and the thing subsided. after that i woke up.
it felt so real. i woke up with a tingly feeling in my legs. it made me not wanna sleep afterwards but i slept again, this time keeping my body as asymmetrical as possible (i read somewhere that "things" cannot attack you if you keep your body asymmetrical). if it was really a supernatural attack, then this is my first time being disturbed in my sleep.
i logged in to YM. yet i can't hold it for long. i broke down, burst into silent tears. it was where everything began. it was where we got acquainted. when i log in to YM i expect to see you there. but now you're not. you don't expect to see me anymore, that's for sure.
everyone has been very supportive, i thank everyone for that. you all have tried to lift my mood, to help me move on. but perhaps i was too hasty. i tried being positive, to physically moved on, to be able to laugh and be cheerful on the outside. but deep down inside, i haven't. i wasn't being a realist. i have denied myself the time to truly heal and emotionally move on. i still haven't forgotten about you. every time i'm alone i catch my thoughts drifting back to you. i distract myself by getting busy, i interact with my friends, i focused on other things. i laugh and i smile and i say that i'm okay but deep down i know i'm not.
turning on YM was emotionally hurtful. it's not because you are there, but because you aren't there. your name stays grey; perhaps you have deleted me from your YM but you will always be in mine.