emotional freedom

it's been a while since i've posted anything (this seems to be used frequently as my first paragraph. haha)


i recently cleared out my mind of this ex. i was attracted to her brilliant intelligence, the good looks of this angel. but these characteristics have blinded me from the fact that emotional bankruptcy was her major flaw. 


this relationship wasn't broken off by incompatibility or a fight; it was due to the great distance that keeps things complicated and the sheer business on both our part.


recently she got in touch with me again. but then, an invisible force drove me to an outburst of pent-up emotions. that's when my true emotions just burst forth, fueled partly by a promise she made recently to me, which she didn't keep.


she said (yet again) that she still remembers about me. she still cares about me. blah blah blah. the long version is WAY too long for me to bother typing and so emotionally torched, it could get ugly if i did. the emotional burden pent up would prove too much. anyway, sheer facts and ugliness just kept pouring out, and what i expected did happen: she didn't care for my feelings, not a bit. there wasn't an iota of caring, no effort to win me back, to comfort and to soothe the heart. to put it in a simple analogy, if we were to hold hands and i tugged a bit, she would not even care to hold on; she'd just let go. so then and there, the epiphany came: this person is no longer worth my attention and love. the irony is it is from her that i learnt the saying "do not make as a priority, someone who puts you as only an option". i was truly blinded by my love for her intelligence and looks, that i forgot about the emotional absence that depraved me little by little. but now i am snapped out of the trance, and feel very very liberated. i have God to thank for this.


another thing: deep down inside i know she keeps other guys behind me. but i was just too in love. temporarily weakened by it. though she said they were "just friends"; the friend-inappropriate intimacy was glaringly visible. and yet i disregarded them. 


Once again, thank God for pulling me out of the darkness and stupidity. once again i state: i am DAMN SURE those shallow b**tards will have not even a fraction of the depth to hold all those meaningful and INTELLIGENT conversations and polemics that we once had.


after unfriending her from FB (as an act of total severing of any ties), i felt light, clean, and most importantly FREE. i felt like prancing around the room. but i didn't. hahaha...